COLIN BURKE

Author of Dear Clementina

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Extracts from Dear Clementina

After a week’s stay with dog-sitter Hayley and her old black Labrador, Tyler,

Stanley gets his report card...

Hayley duly reported on how I’d behaved during my stay and, for the most

part, she gave me straight A’s. However, she did mention that she’d  given

me a C minus, in one specific aspect of my behaviour and a rather

embarrassing one it was too. Now I'll hold my paws up and be the first to

admit that, on occasions during the week, I'd been a touch over-zealous in

my affections with Tyler; but that said, I feel that "humping her on an hourly

basis" as Hayley described it to Colin, was an unnecessary exaggeration.

 

A trainer had to be sent for, but Stanley is hiding...

Unable to spot any dog in the room, Alex assumed that his new trainee was

locked up somewhere and he was frantically going through his colleague's

notes to check what was required. "Is this the Doberman that's been chewing

the kitchen furniture," he enquired without looking up from his file, "or the

pit bull that attacks postmen and bit the policeman who came round to

investigate?  Or is it the Alsatian that won't stop running round in circles,

barking and chewing its own tail?" "Er, it's none of those," replied Monica,

almost apologetically, "it's the ten-week-old Border Terrier who likes to jump

up." Alex looked bemused, but Colin quickly added, with a certain gravitas,"

...and he steals socks!"

 

On the mystery of ageing men’s invisibility...

You see, strange as it may sound, it turns out that men of Colin's age are invisible to all younger females and, equally strangely, this invisibility apparently diminishes when such men go out  with a puppy.  Seemingly, puppies turn all females into quivering jellies, stimulating their innate maternal instincts, and men out walking said puppies get to bask in their reflected affection.  

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Dear Clementina by Colin Burke

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